My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

There’s this song Taylor Swift wrote that’s been haunting me lately:

“My boy only breaks his favorite toys.”

And I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.

Because that’s him.

That’s me.

He didn’t run because he didn’t care.

He ran because he did.

Because love felt dangerous to him.

Because when you’ve been through enough, even something beautiful can feel like a trap.

I know I wasn’t easy.

But I was soft with him. I was safe. I was real.

And he still ran.

Not because I wasn’t enough..

But because I was too much of what he didn’t think he deserved.

And maybe that’s what hurts the most.

Not the rejection.

But the knowing that he loved me, and still couldn’t stay.

It’s hard to be someone’s favorite.

It’s harder to be the thing they’re most afraid of breaking.

And the hardest of all?

Is realizing they broke you anyway.

Not out of cruelty.

But out of love they couldn’t carry.

Still so in love with you,

Afia